Love affair at M/V Doulos and Books

The M/V Doulos. A bookstore on a ship or a shi on a bookstore? I don’t know. I am not that interested about that matter. But I admit that I was excited during the visit to the M/V Doulos. Doulos means ‘servant’ and indeed it has visited a lot of countries and entertained a lot of people from all over the world. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to visit the Doulos for it would only visit once. Days before the visit, I didn’t mind wasn’t even excited about the trip. It was already on the day of the trip that I got excited because I realized that we were going to be on a jeepney on our way there. I belonged to the 2nd jeepney where Sir Elmer was the “guardian”. On our way there, the jeepney was filled with laughter and songs. It was really a funny sight. Upon reaching the port, everyone lined up eagerly waiting for their turn to board the ship. We were grouped to 25’s. just as we entered the ship, the crew already showed us their hospitality and flashed big smiles. For book lovers, the ship was haven (for boy lovers too!). It contained a lot of books, coloring books, bible, children’s books, and self-help books. Books on geography, about animals and Christian books. There are too many to mention. During our stay there there, a very funny incident happen. It was already 30 minutes since we boarded the ship and I was already getting boared (because I am certainly not a bookworm). So I went out of the bookstore and decided to buy ice cream. After a few minutes, I decided to get back inside the bookstore. To my surprise, the guard stopped me. And there posted was a sign saying “No Re-Entry”. And now I know that was the reason why why those who went outside were grumbling. But anyways, after a few tries, we were allowed to enter. All those who were stucked outside were asked to go down again and line-up. We were led to an audio-visual room (AVR for short). And there was Felipe. The handsome young fellow. He acquainted us with the ship (somehow). He conducted games and tried our knowledge about the ship. U.P wasn’t the only school there; there was also the Asian Learning Center. It was also really fun there. After that ‘Felipe’ thing we decided to go home. We waited for almost an hour for our jeepney because the driver fell asleep. We arrived in school almost 5:00 pm but we had a great time.

It’s DEATH!

Everyone is afraid of dying. It’s just like that although we all know that its always gonna come our way. But the question is when? Where? How?

When I was a kid I never thought of death. I never thought what death was. How it came. And who experience death. As I grow up, I already attended funerals. And the answers came one by one. And now thinking of death paralyzes me. I thought “What if I die today, tomorrow, next week or maybe next year?” “What if someone I love dies?” or “What if we already know when that love one dies?” “What should I do?”

I am not complaining about death. I know that someday I will also die but what hurts me most is that it comes unexpectedly. To the person closest to me I know that this is a borrowed life and that we don’t have the final say on who’s gonna live or who’s gonna die, we don’t know who’s gonna be happy or who’s gonno tear his clothes and put aches on his head because of grief. But the truth hurts, death is just around the corner. I can attest to that.

The past three weeks have been very difficult for me and my family. We just found out that my grandfather has been diagnosed for liver cancer. And with that, the doctor says that days can be counted. He could only live for 6 months. When my parents told me that, I was shocked. I couldn’t say a word. I kept on crying and crying. I don’t know what to do. He, of all people, diagnosed with liver cancer? I couldn’t believe it. I thought my grandfather was strong, he is a black belter in various martial arts. He was the one who thought us how to defend ourselves. He is the head of the clan. I just couldn’t understand why it should be like that. But how I realized that it’s better this way because now, we spend more time with him. We showed him how much we care. How much we loved him. But another problem is, we haven’t told him of this situation yet. But I think he already knows it. He is not stupid. He knows what kind of medicine he takes. It’s for liver cancer. I think he doesn’t wonder why we always take him to the doctor. We bought him each and every kind of fruit. Like I said, we spend more time with him. He has visitors always. And I think that’s what keeps him occupied. Now it doesn’t matter if he is in a bad mood or not. We don’t care. We always show him that we are always there for him. That we will always be a family. Indeed this is the saddest moment of my life.

Plight of Nature

We, the Earth people are very lucky. So lucky in fact we do not even know the extent of our luck. We are lucky to be able to set foot on the only planet hospitable to us. The sun gives us light and warmth. It is also the key material to photosynthesis. It gives us solar energy. But sometimes too much of it is bad, Ultraviolet rays are harmful; we need something to protect us from Ultraviolet rays. Lo and behold! God created the ozone layer. God also made the oceans, the hydrosphere in general. We need water in our daily lives. Water to drink, cook, take a bath, water the plants & clean. We need water for laundry. We also need the ocean for may other things. The ocean is a source of wealth, minerals, fresh water, gold, jewelry, fertilizers, building products, energy resources, and most of all…FOOD!!! God also created the tress for our shelter. It protects us from flashfloods. One time, I looked at our garden and saw the butterflies, the bees and the flowers. Oh, what a wonderful sight. The butterflies and flowers reminded me of my dreams, my hopes. It made me realize that if only I try, I could reach my goals and please my family. But when I looked closely and I saw the weeds. They are competing with the plant for nourishment. There are so many weeds, and I realize that it represents the people. The population of earth is fast growing. The people are becoming abusive. But of course we, people don’t know this. We are developing technologies for a more comfortable life. It is not bad especially because it’s for the welfare of the people. But along with that comes a string of problems. One of the problems brought about by industrialization is GLOBAL WARMING. It is brought about by greenhouse gases, commonly Carbon Dioxide (CO2). We are the major sources of Carbon Dioxide. Global Warming has very dangerous effects. The heat can cause the Polar Regions to melt. Because of the melted ice, a lot of countries will go down. This can kill a lot of people. Properties will be destroyed. Livelihoods ended and a lot of lives taken. The sad thing is only a few people know this and a few countries aware. And awareness is not the same with doing something or taking action. The Philippines is one of the most aware when it comes to this matter. But only a few groups are taking action. And another sad thing is the government ignores this matter, when in fact they should have been the first in line to battle GLOBAL WARMING.
People, let’s wake up and do something. Let’s do something before the Earth gets destroyed. It’s our planet. It’s our responsibility.

%!?$'*'--- cReEps ---'*;$?!%

Have you ever felt creepy over something? Like when you sleep and something or someone’s under the bed or watching you with big red eyes? Or when you look at the mirror someone suddenly passed behind you? Oh! Thinking of those things gives me the goose bumps. Nevertheless, let me share with you stories similar to those. The first story doesn’t involve me.

It was 12 o’clock in the midnight and my father was watching television. Bubble Gang or something similar to that. He was sitting at the end of the bed where my mom and brother were sleeping when he heard someone or something from the other side of the window “Ace, Ace”. He thought it was just the friend of my brother calling from the terrace of their house across. But the funny thing is, it’s already 12 o’clock in the midnight and he knows that earlier that day that friend of my brother went to the province. The voice was getting louder and louder “Ace, Ace”. At the corner of his eyes he could see that it’s dark and there were no lights outside. He was starting to get afraid with the voice getting louder every second. He looked behind him and thought it was only a prank by my brother but he was sleeping. He was afraid. The hair on his nape stood up. It took him long before he decided to take a glance at the window and 1, 2, 3… he slowly turned his head and to his horror saw someone/something with very big and wide wings fly away. He was shocked and he quickly stood up and closed the windows and went to my room and told me the story.

The second story still involves my father. That night, out of fun my father set the alarm clock on to 3:00 in the morning. So, we all, went up and slept. Later on, the clock struck 3 and the alarm rang. Of course, my father decided to wake up. When he opened his eyes, he saw a girl sitting on the low chair. He thought it was me and so he didn’t mind it but he later on realized that it’s Saturday and I sleep with them only in weekdays. And one more thing he remembered is that its 3 in the morning and I wouldn’t dare wake-up and disturb my sleep just to sit there and do nothing. Because he was already getting the creeps, he decided to ignore it and went back to sleep.

The third story is about me and my friends, I’m not really sure if it’s the “supernatural” thing but I guess since I’ve already started, I really ought to tell you now I was a new Grade 4 student in Lahug Christian School and I had few friends. I was dismissed by 4:00 pm but my mother fetches me at 6:00 pm. So I had 2 hours to play. That time I had new friends, his name was Phil, a Grade 5 student and Jasper, a Grade 6 student. It so happened because since I was fetched at 6 and they saw that I was lonely so they befriended me. We hang-out together every afternoon as I do my assignments and watch them play basketball by themselves. One time, on one or our late afternoon hang-outs, out of curiosity I decided to play basketball with them. They taught me the do’s and don’ts of the game and I had fun. I didn’t notice that it was already getting dark until the 6:00 pm bell rang. I continued to play with them until 6:30 pm. I wondered why my mother hasn’t showed up yet, so the three of us just decide to go “ghost hunting”. We went downstairs to the principal’s office. It was dark with only one fluorescent light. Jasper said that every night, they say that there is a white lady who roams around scaring the bats in that place away. True enough, we saw a shadow of a woman. And then it disappeared. Along with that disappearance came the bats flying above us. Flying away from that place. At first I believed what Phil and Jasper told me. But later on something bothered me, “Do ”they” have shadows?”

'*' ---M.U and LOVE: jUsT rElAtivE tErMS -- '*'

Can you define love? To be frank, I really think it is useless to define love. You cannot really tell if it’s there or not. You can only tell if it already left. I have never been in a relationship. But I’ve experienced something closer to that. They say it’s M.U or mutual understanding. I don’t if it was really this “M.U” thing I had with this guy who is now in a “holy place”. But I didn’t know we were already close until a classmate called up our house and asked, “Is he already your boyfriend?” I was stunned. I asked why and she said that it was already the issue in the school because they always see us together. They say that they saw us H.H.W.W (holding hands while walking); they say they always see us talking with certain “closeness” like nobody is watching us and we felt like we were in a world where only the two of us exist. Then I realized that it is true. Every time I’m with him I feel like there is no tomorrow. I am happy to be with this guy. I don’t know why but all I know is that, I am happy with him and that’s it. I don’t care if they tell me that it’s wrong to be with this guy.

It all started on a contest and a joke. We were neighbors since Grade 5 and we used to compete on whom’s going to arrive first on school, and he usually wins. Because of that contest between the two of us, we started talking to each other more often. We say “hi” and “hello” every time our paths cross. We do the same things until Grade 6. We were already classmates in Grade 6. He is a really funny joker (although sometimes corny) and I think that it is one of the things that I like in him. He loves to make me laugh always. Even when the teacher is discussing he sees to it that I laugh.

It all started with his joke. He whispered “I love you” to me. And because I thought it was a joke so I told him “I love you too.” He does that everyday. Every time we meet. Then he throws a flying kiss at me and I throw it back to him. It was like that. As the days went on we were getting closer and closer. And the he sends me a love letter. I thought I was a joke so I ignored it. I continued hanging out with him because he was also the best friend of my “kababata”. I always had fun with him, I didn’t know what happened but I started to miss him on weekends. But we also communicate through the cell phone. My classmates told me that he bought one just so he could communicate with me when I go home. He asked for my number so of course I gave it. He always calls me even in the wee hours of the morning. Even if there is periodical test tomorrow. He calls by 11, (but of course he makes sure everybody is asleep) and then we talk and talk and laugh and laugh until 1 or 2 o’clock in the morning (even on school days!) I almost got caught because the housemaid told me in front of my parents the she could hear me laugh at night. I said, “Maybe I was sleep talking” sleep talking? Wow! What a word.

Enough of that, so this guy, who I miss so much right now, we became very close. I didn’t know I have already fallen for him until I started to get “jealous” of those other girls he hangs-out with. I started to wait eagerly for his calls. It was already by Christmas vacation when I confessed my “undying love” for him to my best friend, Hanna. By Christmas, as soon as the clock struck 12 he called me to greet me “Merry Christmas” and he said that he miss me. He asked me if I missed him and I said yes. Of course, Graduation Day was already near so we spent time more often. Of course the usual ritual before a graduation is the teacher asking “Where do you go when you graduate?” It was like that and I already know everybody’s plan after graduation except for his. I kept on asking and nagging him about the answers but he won’t spill the beans. The nagging continued until my best friend asked me “Hey Bia, don’t you know where ******** is going next year?” I asked “Where?” and she said “To the seminary” I couldn’t take it. It just wasn’t right. On Graduation Day, we didn’t say anything to each other. Just stolen glances because are parents were there. I never had the chance to tell him how much I love him and how much I will always love him. I miss him and I hope he is happy where ever he is right now. And I’ll always be waiting.

%!?$ '*' - the value of friendship - '*' $?!%

Being a grade six pupil means one thing… BEING BUSY! I finished my elementary school in a Christian school, and I’m proud of it. The first few weeks of being a grade six pupil was hard. I found it still difficult to adjust with all the assignments, projects and activities. It was still hard eventhough I wasn’t a new student (only in 4th grade). Of course at first, I admit, all I was thinking about was the competition. I knew we were all gonna be in one section. Rosa, Adelpha, Pearl Joy, Kimberly, Reina Jane and Rema. Especially Rema. They were all very clever students, I must say. When I was in grade 4 and still a new student Rema and Reina Jane were my best friends. We were very close in fact we eat together at my grandfather’s house ever lunch break.

All of a sudden that friendship was destroyed only by one thing. The gold medal. The three of us were eyeing on that stupid gold medal. It took me long before I realize the fact that the three of us shouldn’t be best friends. So since then, each of us went on our separate ways. Until summer started.

On the first the day of classes in grade 5, I took a glance on a paper on the door of grade 5-Peter, my classroom. The paper contains the list of students for that section. I was we were not classmates with Rema & Reina. But we were with Pear Joy & Kim. Now, to be honest, I didn’t really like these two at first. To me they were “weirdos”, “nerds” and maybe “aliens”. I felt like they had their own worlds. Everytime our section will had a small gathering they would “keep off” the group. I really thought they are socially unhealthy. And the funny thing is, there were speculations that they were witches, but of course, I didn’t believe them. I was old enough to sort out the “stupid and useless things” from the right and useful ones.

But, anyways, when I was in grade 6, I really lived my life to the fullest. I spent more time with my friends. I befriended those classmates that I ignore and was surprised to find out how good they were. I was conscience–stricken because I know I thought of bad things about them. I learned to value them and included them in my prayers. I treasured every moment with them. I avoided fights and quarcels. I thought that I should have built this kind of friendship with them the moment I step in to that school.

As the graduation getting near, I felt like I was drowning. Drowning because of the fears that I may never see these friends again. I know I had to do something. So, to avoid these graduation blues from getting worse, I did not waste time in letting them feel how much I feel for them. I said sorry for everything unpleasing that I have done. They usually say I have changed. I admit it. From the time that I realize how much my friends mean to me, I’ve become a better person.

'*' ^^ ...a sOmEtHiNg iN bEtweEn...^^ '*'

My family is a closely-knitted family. At home, we always eat together. My father, mother, my brother and I, oftentimes, go to our grandparents’ house and meet my uncles, aunts and cousins there, then stay and eat. That usually happens on Sundays and special occasions like birthdays. But there are times back at “when it is” O.A home, my father would always tell me “Bia, can’t you do something proper this time?” and then my mother would add saying, “You know, when we were at your age, we did what our parents told us to do. We were cooperative in school and obedient at home.” And then they’ll say “Don’t you love us?” Of course!! I do, isn’t that the reason why I have been studying hard to please them? Isn’t that the reason why I always say NO to my friends whenever they ask me to go out even though I am really aching to go with them? Isn’t that the reason why I defend them when my friends say that they’re just being overprotective to me? I defend them by saying “Oh, don’t mind them, besides it’s alright being overprotected to the maximum level. You’ll see.” But my God, it is not alright. With all that they’re doing I don’t even think I know who I really am. I don’t even know what I like doing the best. My parents tell me everything I do. I’m no longer a baby. They’re just like Marcos. It’s just like Martial Law. Dictatorship should I say. They tell me that they understand me and my needs as a 13 year old; however, with the way the things are going, I don’t think that they understand me at all.

You see, I’m 13 and I’m no longer a child, and not yet a woman. I’m just a something in between. Just like last night, my parents and I went to Ayala. When we got up the escalator, a young boy my age (I think), looked at me. I think it’s really pathetic and foolish but my father got angry because the boy looked at me. Then, another instance is when we were in the car and he was the one driving. I was sitting at the back seat by the window when we met a truck. The laborers on that truck looked at me then my father got so angry that he forgot that he was driving and we almost met an accident because of another car. I couldn’t understand. What the hell does he want me to do? Cover my face with a sack and hide? Then t worsen things up, last night, while I was sending a SMS to one of my classmates, a girl to be specific, he grabbed my phone and turned it off, and wonder of wonders returned it to me. So what I did, I turned it on and send a SMS to my classmate for the last time. Then he came back, I was shocked. He got angry and asked me why I was sending a SMS. He then accused me of getting the cellular phone from the altar! Do you think it’s just? He turned my phone off and gave it back to me then got angry because I was using it? I just can’t understand them. They are really driving me crazy.

Sometimes I wanted to run away from them, but I can’t. Simple, I can’t run away and leave them because I love them. I love my parents and I know they my parents love me so much. In fact they are the very reason why exist in this world. So instead of opening my mouth when they start scolding me, I just keep quiet and I don’t even think of defending myself, instead, I just cry my heart out. They may not understand me know but I’m looking forward to the time they would. They may have expectations of me that I seem to overlook, but I love my parents and I know sooner I’ll learn what my roles are. As of today, one thing is very clear, I’m no longer a child, not yet a woman; just a something in between.